God, don't you care?

There's a bible story I can't get out of my head right now. It's in Mark, chapter 4, and the disciples are trying to cross a lake with Jesus. Somewhere along the journey, winds of hurricane caliber (according to the original Greek translation) start whipping up the waves until they crash over the boat, and it actually starts filling with water. I've read this story a hundred times, but somehow I have never noticed that detail before - the disciples weren't being dramatic as they panicked. Their boat was literally beginning to fill! Meanwhile, Jesus is SLEEPING on a cushion in the stern. The disciples go to rouse Him and plead - "Lord, don't you care that we are perishing?" I'm sure the undertone of the disciples' question was more like: "How could you be sleeping at a time like this?!"

In the midst of the frightening, threatening storm, they didn't want to know if Jesus was capable of saving them - they had witnessed His miraculous habits and probably guessed that He was. What they wanted to know was whether or not He even cared that they were in this perilous situation!

Jesus stood up and commanded the storm to settle down, and it did (because even the wind and waves know Who is speaking.) He then looked at them, quivering and soaked as I'm sure they were, and asked, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I dug into His question a bit by looking up the Greek translation of each word, and I discovered that His question could be phrased a little more like this: "Have you not yet been persuaded?"

The disciples ask: "God, don't you care?"

And Jesus responds: "Have you not yet been persuaded?"

Right now, it's easy for me to feel like Jesus in sleeping while I'm weathering a pretty significant storm - not just because staffing is a new and challenging experience, but because meanwhile, I feel that I'm undergoing some serious "heart surgery" in regards to where I find my security, where I find my peace. And I think this story resonates with me so powerfully because as I cry and fitfully sleep and fight through waves of fear, the question I want answered most is: God, don't you care?

And He asks me, in a tone of voice full of the gentleness and peace of a newly-calmed storm: "Have you not yet been persuaded?"

Have I not yet been convinced that His love for me is deep enough and sure enough and powerful enough for me to take heart in the middle of a storm - even when the waves are crashing over the boat? Can I look back over the short course of my life, identify His trademark faithfulness, and choose to trust that He is deeply invested in me? Can I allow that trustworthiness to persuade me beyond my circumstances, and choose to rest with Him while the waves are raging?

It wasn't carelessness that allowed Jesus to keep sleeping as His disciples panicked. It was confidence. He knew He could shut down the storm if He needed to, He knew how things would turn out.

When we acknowledge the kind of love we are loved with, when we really believe we are valuable enough to God that His quietness in a frightful time doesn't equate to carelessness (!), we're invited to mirror the peace He displayed in the stern of that storm-rocked boat. Peace that doesn't make sense circumstantially (perhaps the "peace that surpasses all understanding" the Bible talks about.) Peace that, instead, makes all the sense in the world when you consider the magnitude and forcefulness of His love towards you.

So right now, I'm challenging myself to be more intentional about reflecting on His past faithfulness... And I'm challenging myself to be more intentional about envisioning it in my future. Such a confronting, and then comforting, question: Have I not yet been persuaded? Looking back over our life together so far...haven't I?